Happy Birthday Sparky

Happy Birthday, Sparky!!

Enjoy your low-cal dog biscuit.

Mwah-hahahahaha!

Happy Birthday To Me!

Happy Birthday To Me
Happy Birthday To Me
Happy Birthday Dear Sparky
Happy Birthday To Me!

Did I get a fancy cake? Did I get a big party to celebrate the big day? No and no. Oh, mom and dad gave me something all right. Can you guess what it was? No? Okay, it was a #%$#&! LOW CALORIE dog biscuit! They said it's for my own good and so I can live at least 7 more years. Who wants to live 7 more years eating that tasteless crap? I'll just continue to scavenge for the tasty treats the rabbits leave for me in the backyard. There! Problem solved.

New House Rule Causes Unrest

Dear goodness, I have been going through quite a rough patch lately. Life has been pretty cruel since my last entry where I was happily modeling my new bling. The post before that concerned my skin irritation, but that was a tiny blip on the radar compared to the last few weeks. Since then, I have had two bouts of severe vomiting and an allergic reaction to carrots, of all things!

Sparky accuses me of being all diva-like, but I assure you that is not the case. He also claims my unfortunate circumstances are simply a ruse to get the human parents' attention. This is a blatantly false allegation which I resent wholeheartedly.

The truth is, I have a most delicate constitution. Sparky is a horrible influence because he is constantly begging the humans for their food, and not to be outdone, I try to follow suit. Of course, my methods are more sophisticated, except for the drool that collects and then drips off my tongue as I wait patiently for a tidbit.

Sparky has a stomach lined with iron. Nothing seems to bother this stout bloke. Yes, I said it. And I could have used a harsher word than stout. Let me assure you, that is an understatement.

Chance regurgitates the human food occasionally, but he keeps it extremely low key, even cleaning up after himself as best he can. In my case, if I get a queasy stomach, it causes near death. That is no exaggeration, either.

Due to my inability to handle even the slightest human morsel, all handouts from the humans have ceased. Sparky is quite upset with me since the legislation was handed down directly because of me and my weak stomach. My opinion is that Sparky can only benefit from the new ruling. He waddles around like a grumpy dictator as it is. Therefore, in the end, we all win. Right?

Spoiled

I bet you think I'm going to talk about how spoiled I am, right? I wish! It's not me, it's Izzy. Look at her showing off her necklace like she's Queen Isabella of France instead of the ordinary canine she actually is. She's spoiled rotten by mom and dad, and she's also spoiled the fun for Chance and me, so the title of this post has a dual meaning. I'm really, really, very, VERY put out with Izzy right now.

Ever since Christmas, she has had some sort of ailment requiring medical attention. After the big to-do over her hospitalization, she has had three more "episodes". Such a drama queen. A few weeks ago she had a vomiting spell so severe that dad actually prayed to God to transfer her illness to him. She was incoherent, wobbly, and weak. After injecting water in her mouth with a syringe, she started coming out of it. Dad really thought she was a goner that time. They made a big deal over her for several days.

I was a little hurt.

Last week she had vomiting and diarrhea. More dramz! Izzy gets the whole house in a tizzy with her hysterics.She received special food that I was shooed away from at least a dozen times. Sometimes I don't feel so hot either, but I don't make a big deal about it. Perhaps I should feign illness to get special food and treatment.

Fast forward to last night: Mom came back from the store with fresh vegetables, saying she was finally going to eat healthy. Right away I didn't like the sound of that. She bit down on an orange stick and gave Chance and me a small piece. As I suspected, this food was revolting. We both spit it out in disgust with a WTF look on our faces. Izzy ran under Chance's nose and snatched the rejected scrap. Mom tried chasing her around the house to get it back, but she was too fast for mom. A couple hours later, Izzy's muzzle swelled up, making her look like a Shar Pei.

Once again, mom went into panic mode. Here we go!! Dad grabbed the benadryl and syringe in a knee-jerk reaction. Mom started telling him in that stressed out voice I hate, to let her call a friend to see what the correct dosage should be. She couldn't get her friend, so she googled and googled for almost an hour. Finally, they settled on a minuscule amount. They also decided that human treats were out of the question for ALL OF US. I can't tell you the state of depression that has put me in.

This morning Izzy's face was back to normal. Mom and dad were relieved. I just wonder what other shenanigans this hypochondriac has up her sleeve. To be continued...

New Bling!

I feel so sexy in my very pink, very feminine necklace. No ordinary dog collars for me, thank you very much!

La Dolce Vita

Last week an irritating red blotch appeared on my graceful neckline. I could not even try on my new pink necklace. Apparently, the cold weather caused my epidermis to become extremely dry. In order to relieve my discomfort, I scratched at it thinking this might make it get better or go away completely. Alas, the area became the color of crimson, as though angry at my reaction.

My caring parents thought another trip to that horrendous doctor might be in order. I prayed with all my might that this scenario be avoided at all costs. But as much as I hate the indignity of medical visits, I could not will myself to stop scraping at the annoyance.

My prayers were answered in the form of La Dolce Vita Moisturizing Cream. Made in Italy, boasting of vanilla bean and milk, it is a balm seemingly made just for me, though it is formulated for all canines. After only two applications, the unsightly redness reverted back to its healthy pink color and the itching subsided.

I highly recommend this cream to any canine who has been blessed with delicate skin and fine fur such as mine. Hopefully, my next post will be photos of me sporting my new, girly necklace. Toodle-oo!

A Doggone Great Christmas!

Our Christmas gatherings were very exciting this year. The parties included some little people that were very careless and clumsy with their food. I hit the jackpot. Shadowing each one closely, I cleaned up their little messes as they went from room to room.

Izzy didn't fare so well with this practice as she ended up going to the hospital two days later. You can read more about her experience here.

In addition to the human food, all us canines were given our own container of liver treats! Yay! That is my absolute favorite dog treat. The strong aroma of liver sends me into orbit every time.

By the end of the night, I suffered mild humiliation at the hands of the wee ones. The human food I was able to get from them made it all worth it, though.

From Noel to Hell

We had two Christmas celebrations: one with my mom's humans and one with my dad's humans. Daddy's humans included some small people which were low to the ground. They dropped all kinds of goodies on the floor and furniture.

Gobbling popcorn, cookies, and chips did not bode well for me as the next day I started feeling terribly ill and vomited. The next day I vomited again, but this time there was blood in it. I refused all food offered to me and could not tee tee. Mom went into panic mode thinking I might have swallowed a small toy or another tiny piece that had gone missing from a toy daddy was putting together.

Off we went to the emergency room. Mom and dad were able to be with me while they poked, prodded, and took pictures. These were not the kind of pictures mom takes, either. It was very scary as I was laid on a cold table and turned upside down, something I usually fight with every ounce of energy I can muster. This day, I didn't have much fight left.

Thankfully, the pictures did not reveal a toy, but imagine my horror as the poopy in my intestine caused some laughter from the medical staff. I was extremely humiliated.

Dr. F suggested hospitalization overnight for my "dietary indescretion". Mom and dad were relieved that I didn't need surgery.

I'm all better now and looking forward to putting the entire episode behind me. I think Sparky was a little disappointed on my return, but he soon welcomed me back after he finished pouting. Somehow Sparky didn't get sick even though he ate human food, too, but he did suffer some embarrassment at the hands of the wee ones. Bwahahahaha!!

Help! I've Been Elfed!

My mom is constantly thinking up ways to embarrass me.

Send your own ElfYourself eCards

Christmas Spirit or Humiliation?

You decide.

Send your own ElfYourself eCards

Evil Puppy Cam

Apparently, my mom doesn't get enough dog action at home because she found a webcam of Shiba Inu puppies and leaves it running on her computer just to annoy me. She even sat me down in her office chair to get my reaction. Well, see for yourself; I am none too pleased having these fur balls inside my mom's laptop making all kinds of racket.

Photo Shoot Time

Mom turned into a paparazzo this weekend, all because Izzy got a new outfit. My ears always lie flat against my head when the camera comes out. I think that's my most flattering look. Thank goodness I wasn't forced to wear hideous clothes, although I am sporting a fairly new red collar.Here's Izzy front and center as usual. In this case, I'm really glad. I like being the background decoration for her humiliation. BOL!

Unflattering

My well-meaning human mother has returned to dressing me in ghastly garments. She has justified this horrible practice by attributing its necessity to cold weather.
Trying to be brave here, but once the camera appeared, I knew I was in for a long photo shoot. Not my favorite thing, to say the least.I tried to doze off in an effort to ignore the whole debacle.
I know I appear rather ferocious in this photo, but actually I was trying to yawn. Feigning boredom got me nowhere.
Finally, I reared my head, begging her with my eyes to stop. Pitiful looks get me very far in my house. When it was over, she removed the garish pink vest for the rest of the evening.

Oh, My!

I've been accused of having a large tongue, but duuude, he scares me!There's just NO comparison.

Bye, Spenser!

All last week I sensed Spenser failing. Mom's human boy, Greg, came to visit yesterday and cried a river of tears over him. Spenser tried to tell him it would be okay, but only Chance was able to put a paw on his shoulder to convey comfort. Spenser was having trouble breathing and his eyes were bloodshot and tired. It seemed he couldn't focus on anything. It was a sad, sad sight. The Beast, my nemesis, was growing dim. I don't know what the humans did, but they all got in the car and took him away. Mom returned later that night holding his leash and collar. Spenser was no longer with them. Chance and I sniffed, begging to know more, but they only said he had crossed the Rainbow Bridge, and we could not see him until we cross it ourselves one day.

Spenser, I'm sorry I bossed you around so much in life and hope you will forgive this grumpy, ol' fella. I really did love ya, man! You were a beast because of your size, but inside you were a true gentleman.

Check Me Out!

Check it out!

Leo

Yesterday, we had visitors, both canine and human, but what I want to discuss is the canine, Leo. He looks so cute in the picture, doesn't he? Well, let me tell you, he has the loudest bark ever! My poor ears. This is the only time I have regretted their erectness on my head. Any out-of-the-ordinary sound caused Leo to produce a bark so shrill that it no doubt interrupted radio signals for at least a 5 mile radius. I must admit that while he is handsome and sweet, his bark needs some refinement. Sometimes, he even gets my brothers so worked up that they throw their heads back and howl, like they're in a contest. Since this barbaric display is beneath me, my solace is to search for the nearest lap, and pray for peace.

Daddy's Girl

Yes, it's true. I am enamored with my daddy. He's the number one human in my book. Mom never fails to remind me that SHE is the one who rescued me and that daddy didn't even believe I was a dog at first because apparently, I was the size of a hamster when they took me in. Clearly, she's just trying to jockey into the number one position. Sorry mom, I love you, but daddy is just...er...better. I think she's okay with that since bossy Spark Plug is her number one and vice-versa.

Speaking of Sparky, mom brought home two new toys yesterday; one for me and one for Sparky. That devilish scoundrel wanted both toys for himself! After he slobbered on mine, it was hardly palatable after that. I took one whiff of the foul odor he smeared on its soft fur and quickly lost interest. I expressed my displeasure by walking away and pouting. Greedy pig.

To add insult to injury, mom got into one of her photography moods, which would be okay, but she caught me during some of my worst moments, and I suspect it was intentional. I protested publication of these dreadful photos, but she insists, so here they are. Don't judge me.

New toy(s)!

Yesterday I received a brand new toy and I adore it! Mom tried to give Izzy one just like it and she rudely turned her nose up at it and walked away! I would never act in such a despicable manner towards mom. Izzy's rejected toy was given to me because I'm such a devoted, loyal companion.

Here I am having a delightful time. These are the perfect size. I can squeak them all day if I want. If I wear it out, there's a spare squeaker. Thanks, mom!

I really wish mom didn't have to document every detail of my life.

I am really trying to communicate with my expression to give me my space and she just doesn't seem to get it. *sigh*