Wednesday, May 25, 2005

Mailbox Meanderings

Last night, mom was expecting her human child to knock on the front door at any moment. Hearing a knock, she flung the door open, but instead of her boy, two frightened sales people stood in horror. That's because Chance rushed at them in his overzealous manner to greet them with his wet nose. The lady threw her arms up in the air and screamed. Mom yelled Chance’s name and motioned him back inside. The little brown-noser respectfully submitted to her command.

Seeing a perfect opportunity, I slipped out the door as Chance was coming in. The mailboxes had not been marked in quite some time, so I did not want to squander my good fortune. I ran down the street, lifting my leg high on each box. Mom was really mad at me, yelling my name and demanding that I return to her. Couldn't she see I was working the block? When her brisk walk turned into a run, I knew the jig was up, so I emptied myself at the last mailbox and squatted down to let her know I surrendered.

Spenser was the only one who did not go outside and Chance quickly obeyed mom’s command to return to the den. Those two boot-lickers have made me look bad. Now I have been completely exposed as the rebellious one of the pack. No matter, I have made my presence known to every home on our side of the street. The reprimand I received was worth it I suppose. Besides, mom never stays mad at me for long. How could she? My big black eyes turn her into mush every single time.

Tuesday, May 24, 2005

Communication is Everything

As any good dog knows, a decent vocabulary is necessary to function properly within the human pack. “Outside”, “ride”, “treat”, “food”, “time to eat”, “toy”, “night-night”, and “good boy” are words which keep me well-informed.

Other cues are vital as well. If the door is opened where my leash sits, then I know we’re going to leave the house and go on an adventure. If the treat jar is opened after I return from performing *unmentionable duties*, then I sit up straight and wait patiently for my goody. If the parents stuff my Kong toy with liver paste, I run like the wind to my crate. Kongs stuffed with treats always mean that mom and dad are going to be gone for a few hours. They think it helps pass my time in the crate, but I have news for them; I can lick out that liver paste in a matter of minutes.

It’s easy to figure the human parents out, but you have to pay close attention. It takes a life of dedication to master it. One must be a keen observer of body language and human utterances. Cadence is important as well. For instance, I know mom is pleased with me when she says in her sing-song voice, “Good boy, Sparky”. The sing-song voice is the best.

That's all the advice I have for now. Toodle-oo all.

Monday, May 23, 2005

Hot as Hades in Texas

Boy, yesterday was HOT! I did my business and trotted right back to the door. I was very clear in signaling my desire to go back inside. The poor dog next door and my neighbor across the alley have to live outside all the time. They've barked their objections night and day, to no avail.

Our local emergency vet clinic saw three cases of heat stroke in dogs on Saturday. Two had to be euthanized and one died before it even got to the hospital. Don't humans know that if we're not accustomed to extreme heat yet, it can kill you? One lady said her dog had only been outside for 2 hours and it collapsed. I'm glad my mom knows all this stuff and keeps me and my brothers out of danger.

On a happier note, I'm still smelling sweet from my bath, which affords me great cuddle time with mom and dad...until I yawn. For some reason my yawn hangs in the air for a while which makes mom wrinkle her nose. I think it's a wonderful smell. I don't know why she objects to it.

Friday, May 20, 2005

Bathing Adventures

We were all enjoying our evening in the backyard last night when mom walked outside holding a bottle filled with green, apple-flavored liquid. Innocently, we all ran up to her excitedly, thinking it was a new kind of treat. WRONG!

First, she went to the side yard and turned on the water hose. Next, she tried to coax Spenser over to the hose which by now was spewing and spurting water and making scary noises. He laid down far away from it and refused to come. All the coaxing in the world could not get Spenser near that hose, so mom dragged him by the collar and pointed the end of the hose at him and a huge gush of water drenched him.

Chance and I fled the scene as soon as we realized what was going on. I hid behind a bush and Chance was under the window trying to look inconspicuous.

After a while Spenser calmed down and seemed to enjoy it. Mom poured the apple-smelling stuff all over him and rubbed it in until it was all foamy and white. Out came the volcanic hose to drench him again, but this time, he didn't try to run away. He actually seemed to like it. After it was all over, he ran around and around, shaking his coat and getting everyone in his path wet.

Chance was next and he was not as accepting of the situation as Spenser. Mom achieved her goal, but it was a battle from start to finish. She was completely soaked from head to toe. Her glasses slid right off her face.

Knowing I was next, I tried to hide from the cruelty I knew awaited me; however, mom found me cowering near the tropical plants. She scooped me up and brought me indoors. Ah! I thought I was going to avoid the torture, but it was not to be. She marched upstairs with me in her arms, holding the apple liquid and entered the bathroom. She placed me in that deep abyss she calls her beautiful garden tub and nearly drowned me. And I'm not exaggerating either!

We're all clean as whistles now. Mom and Dad no longer say, "Pew! You stink!" They gush and say how good we smell and how soft our fur is. I guess it was worth it; however, I did hear something this morning about nail trims (yikes!)...will keep you posted.

Friday, May 6, 2005

Happy Birthday Daddy!

For my super special present to Daddy, I've decided to give him a big pooch smooch - right on the mouth. He can't resist me or my doggie-style kisses. Who can? I am irresistible. Then, I will wag my tail to show him how happy I am that he has lived another year. After that, I will climb up the chair and perch on his shoulder, all the while licking his face and getting his glasses all slimed up. He just loves that.

Mom and Dad casually mentioned that they are going to Outback tonight for a big, juicy steak. They're so nonchalant about it, like it's no big deal. Are they kidding?! This is huge! Mmmmmm...the thought of that filet mignon makes me drool and my tail is wagging so fast I'm almost coming off the ground. I bet if I rub my scent all over them before they leave, they will think of me at the dinner table and bring back a little nibble. I'll do anything to get a bite of that steak.

I sound like an addict, don't I?

Thursday, May 5, 2005

Dietary Indiscretions

This week I've been a little under the weather. Dad thinks it's because I'm getting too much people food. My dietary indiscretions should be my own business. Even though I rule the world, I don't rule the kitchen (how can that be?) so I must rely on begging for any sort of tasty morsels. Barbecue pulled pork has been on the menu the last 2 nights. Yummeeeee! Despite my pleading black eyes, Dad only gave me the tiniest crumb from his English muffin this morning. As soon as my perkiness returns, I'm hoping they'll forget about all this and return to giving me their leftovers. Breakfast, lunch and dinner are the few bright spots in my otherwise long and boring days on earth.