Beverly Hills Chihuahua

Now this looks like MY kind of movie! 50 Warrior, 50% Lover, 100% Chihuahua! Love it. BOL!

New Development

Izzy is seriously starting to chap my tail. There are two crucial events each day that I look forward to with great anticipation. One is mealtime and the other is bedtime. It's bad enough that Izzy horns in on my plate licking, completely ignoring my angry growls, but when she begs to get into bed with mom and me at the end of the day, that’s a serious violation of the highest order.

When mom and I started sleeping in the big, tall bed due to daddy's snoring, I was forced to learn to climb a set of rickety steps in order to have bed privileges. It took a while, but I persevered. Mom tried to teach Izzy and gave up in no time at all. She scoops her up and Izzy immediately burrows underneath the covers to nestle into the softest part of mom's body: her midsection. She’s all, "Oh, Izzy's so small. There's no way she can climb those steps." They never make her work for things like I am forced to do.

Since this latest development, I am letting my contempt for the situation be known by pouting waiting under the bed until Izzy leaves to go night-night with daddy. Thankfully, her time with mom is only for a few minutes, which allows me to have the last bark. Once Izzy’s out of the room, I emerge from underneath the bed and jump confidently onto the soft mattress next to mom.

Why must I share my abode with this poopy girl and the other two beasts? I want to be an only dog, dangit!

Finally...

special treats named in my honor.

Sparky & Spenser

I tolerate this behavior from the two of them every single day - sometimes several times a day. *sigh* I hate to be a whistle blower, but Sparky is chief instigator. His disdain for Spenser has become almost legendary. The tiniest infraction from Spenser unleashes a viciousness in Sparky that is unmatched. I never want to be the recipient of his fury. This type of stress is extremely detrimental to my beauty and inner peace.

Dog Speak

Did you know that canines have their own internet slang and abbreviations? As part of your continuing education, I have assembled a short list.

Pawrents
Pawsome
Pawsitive
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
BOL - bark out loud
PITT - pain in the tail
ROTFLMTO - rolling on the floor laughing my tail off
LMTO - laughing my tail off
OTOP - on the other paw
BAYL - bark at you later
YTDNM - you're the dog now, man

Torture

This morning, Daddy took me for a ride in his automobile - a harrowing experience each time I've been subjected to it. I was aghast that he would deliberately torture me this way, fully cognizant of my fear of fast moving contraptions. Soon, however, all was revealed as we pulled up to Dr. Fred's office building. As it turned out, my torment was just beginning.

Sparky clued me in on Dr. Fred a while back as he had two prior run-ins with this brutish character. I was warned that the humans think highly of him, but I should be on guard because he has a nefarious propensity directed specifically at canines - poking, prodding, and causing distress for no good reason whatsoever. He also has a team of minions that carry out his despicable requests.

Daddy swaddled me in my softest blanket so I'd feel secure, but I still shook with fear, dreading what was in store.

It was worse than I thought. My lovely nails were rudely clipped, a sharp point was inserted into my delicate arm, and my teeth were scraped with a cold, silver object. That was the last straw. Dr. Fred’s co-conspirators got an earful when that metal object was pressed against my pearly whites. My air of refinement vanished as I squabbled and yelped, reduced to the ilk of a junkyard dog. Why, oh why are my mettle and civility repeatedly put to the test? I would appreciate just a modicum of respect in view of my culture and petite frame. Just as Sparky predicted, Daddy paid no mind to these uncivilized ruffians.

Apparently, it's good news that my open fontanel has almost completely closed and my blood work returned normal. Oh, and I am free of heartworms. Good gracious, the thought of having worms anywhere on or in me is completely and utterly repulsive. Thank goodness I was spared THAT humiliation.

At the end of the visit, Daddy asked Dr. Fred why my tongue always hangs outside my mouth. He said, "She doesn't like Obama." They both doubled over with laughter. Once Dr. Fred recovered from his own joke, he explained that I have a short mandible, causing the anomaly. Whew! I thought I had an abnormally large tongue. Abbreviated mandible sounds much more tasteful than a mammoth tongue.

Never Trust a Cat

My First Party

Strange sounds pierced my earsSee my shocked expressionSparky was on the lookout for intruders, ready to defend my honorSoon, however, he became weary from all the excitement and too much kibbleWhen they started throwing this object, I was afraid I might be nextA horrible winged creature even terrorized me for part of the eveningI felt safe with this strong bloke, spending as much time on his lap as he would allowI was dying for a piece of cake, but I wasn't even allowed a tiny crumb

Par-TAY

Saturday afternoon mom suddenly asks, "Sparky, you wanna go party?"

I thought she said potty, but she opened the garage door instead of the patio door, and at that moment I realized she meant "PAR-TAY!" I dashed out to the garage and sat beside the car door to make sure she knew that my answer was "YES!"

Dad packed the car with food, drinks, and other assorted items. We drove a long way to a house where all my favorite humans were gathered. They were eating, drinking, and playing loud music. They also played frisbee outside until a good natured, but uncouth pit bull, took a big steaming crap right in the middle of the yard WHILE THEY WERE PLAYING! It was so stinky mom ran away gagging. There was no more frisbee playing after that.

I'm afraid my partying days are behind me. Mom snapped this picture of me several hours later:

Sunshine and Roses

I'm normally a very good girl, but I must admit, there are days when minor flaws are exposed. While I would like to perpetuate the notion that I'm always as genteel as my middle name implies, it just isn't so. I'm nothing if not honest.

One of my shortcomings has been captured on video for your entertainment. I suspect there are others like me who are not all sunshine and roses when they are rudely awakened with a video camera shoved in their face. Given this set of circumstances, I think a growl or two is quite understandable. In fact, my reaction is mild compared to some of those Hollywood brats. I am generally mindful of my manners, but even a well-bred girl such as myself has her limits.

Fashion Faux Pas

When I was a baby, mom tried to dress me up in dreadful girly clothes. Clearly, she has no taste.

Take a look at this ill-fitting garment I was forced to wear at age 4 months. I mean, really. The colors are garish and the stripes make me look fat. Anyway, who wears a collar with a tank top? I use this picture as a "what not to wear" sort of warning to hopefully spare other canines the same embarrassment.

Thank goodness she came to her senses and I am no longer forced to wear those unflattering frocks. I prefer understated fashion, such as my latest look which consists of a patent leather pink color with my name spelled out in diamonds. IZZY looks so sophisticated spelled out on my neck. Tres chic, eh?