Mailbox Meanderings

Last night, mom was expecting her human child to knock on the front door at any moment. Hearing a knock, she flung the door open, but instead of her boy, two frightened sales people stood in horror. That's because Chance rushed at them in his overzealous manner to greet them with his wet nose. The lady threw her arms up in the air and screamed. Mom yelled Chance’s name and motioned him back inside. The little brown-noser respectfully submitted to her command.

Seeing a perfect opportunity, I slipped out the door as Chance was coming in. The mailboxes had not been marked in quite some time, so I did not want to squander my good fortune. I ran down the street, lifting my leg high on each box. Mom was really mad at me, yelling my name and demanding that I return to her. Couldn't she see I was working the block? When her brisk walk turned into a run, I knew the jig was up, so I emptied myself at the last mailbox and squatted down to let her know I surrendered.

Spenser was the only one who did not go outside and Chance quickly obeyed mom’s command to return to the den. Those two boot-lickers have made me look bad. Now I have been completely exposed as the rebellious one of the pack. No matter, I have made my presence known to every home on our side of the street. The reprimand I received was worth it I suppose. Besides, mom never stays mad at me for long. How could she? My big black eyes turn her into mush every single time.

Communication is Everything

As any good dog knows, a decent vocabulary is necessary to function properly within the human pack. “Outside”, “ride”, “treat”, “food”, “time to eat”, “toy”, “night-night”, and “good boy” are words which keep me well-informed.

Other cues are vital as well. If the door is opened where my leash sits, then I know we’re going to leave the house and go on an adventure. If the treat jar is opened after I return from performing *unmentionable duties*, then I sit up straight and wait patiently for my goody. If the parents stuff my Kong toy with liver paste, I run like the wind to my crate. Kongs stuffed with treats always mean that mom and dad are going to be gone for a few hours. They think it helps pass my time in the crate, but I have news for them; I can lick out that liver paste in a matter of minutes.

It’s easy to figure the human parents out, but you have to pay close attention. It takes a life of dedication to master it. One must be a keen observer of body language and human utterances. Cadence is important as well. For instance, I know mom is pleased with me when she says in her sing-song voice, “Good boy, Sparky”. The sing-song voice is the best.

That's all the advice I have for now. Toodle-oo all.

Hot as Hades in Texas

Boy, yesterday was HOT! I did my business and trotted right back to the door. I was very clear in signaling my desire to go back inside. The poor dog next door and my neighbor across the alley have to live outside all the time. They've barked their objections night and day, to no avail.

Our local emergency vet clinic saw three cases of heat stroke in dogs on Saturday. Two had to be euthanized and one died before it even got to the hospital. Don't humans know that if we're not accustomed to extreme heat yet, it can kill you? One lady said her dog had only been outside for 2 hours and it collapsed. I'm glad my mom knows all this stuff and keeps me and my brothers out of danger.

On a happier note, I'm still smelling sweet from my bath, which affords me great cuddle time with mom and dad...until I yawn. For some reason my yawn hangs in the air for a while which makes mom wrinkle her nose. I think it's a wonderful smell. I don't know why she objects to it.

Bathing Adventures

We were all enjoying our evening in the backyard last night when mom walked outside holding a bottle filled with green, apple-flavored liquid. Innocently, we all ran up to her excitedly, thinking it was a new kind of treat. WRONG!

First, she went to the side yard and turned on the water hose. Next, she tried to coax Spenser over to the hose which by now was spewing and spurting water and making scary noises. He laid down far away from it and refused to come. All the coaxing in the world could not get Spenser near that hose, so mom dragged him by the collar and pointed the end of the hose at him and a huge gush of water drenched him.

Chance and I fled the scene as soon as we realized what was going on. I hid behind a bush and Chance was under the window trying to look inconspicuous.

After a while Spenser calmed down and seemed to enjoy it. Mom poured the apple-smelling stuff all over him and rubbed it in until it was all foamy and white. Out came the volcanic hose to drench him again, but this time, he didn't try to run away. He actually seemed to like it. After it was all over, he ran around and around, shaking his coat and getting everyone in his path wet.

Chance was next and he was not as accepting of the situation as Spenser. Mom achieved her goal, but it was a battle from start to finish. She was completely soaked from head to toe. Her glasses slid right off her face.

Knowing I was next, I tried to hide from the cruelty I knew awaited me; however, mom found me cowering near the tropical plants. She scooped me up and brought me indoors. Ah! I thought I was going to avoid the torture, but it was not to be. She marched upstairs with me in her arms, holding the apple liquid and entered the bathroom. She placed me in that deep abyss she calls her beautiful garden tub and nearly drowned me. And I'm not exaggerating either!

We're all clean as whistles now. Mom and Dad no longer say, "Pew! You stink!" They gush and say how good we smell and how soft our fur is. I guess it was worth it; however, I did hear something this morning about nail trims (yikes!)...will keep you posted.

Happy Birthday Daddy!

For my super special present to Daddy, I've decided to give him a big pooch smooch - right on the mouth. He can't resist me or my doggie-style kisses. Who can? I am irresistible. Then, I will wag my tail to show him how happy I am that he has lived another year. After that, I will climb up the chair and perch on his shoulder, all the while licking his face and getting his glasses all slimed up. He just loves that.

Mom and Dad casually mentioned that they are going to Outback tonight for a big, juicy steak. They're so nonchalant about it, like it's no big deal. Are they kidding?! This is huge! Mmmmmm...the thought of that filet mignon makes me drool and my tail is wagging so fast I'm almost coming off the ground. I bet if I rub my scent all over them before they leave, they will think of me at the dinner table and bring back a little nibble. I'll do anything to get a bite of that steak.

I sound like an addict, don't I?

Dietary Indiscretions

This week I've been a little under the weather. Dad thinks it's because I'm getting too much people food. My dietary indiscretions should be my own business. Even though I rule the world, I don't rule the kitchen (how can that be?) so I must rely on begging for any sort of tasty morsels. Barbecue pulled pork has been on the menu the last 2 nights. Yummeeeee! Despite my pleading black eyes, Dad only gave me the tiniest crumb from his English muffin this morning. As soon as my perkiness returns, I'm hoping they'll forget about all this and return to giving me their leftovers. Breakfast, lunch and dinner are the few bright spots in my otherwise long and boring days on earth.

I Was Tortured

Mom announced the other night that we were going to take "pictures" for the Mother's Day Stroll on Dogster. Out came the camera contraption, a clicking sound, and then a bright light which blinded me for several seconds. Just as I was recovering, Dad clicked again. That camera-thingy is nothing but a torture device. They might as well declare war on us. Spenser and Chance agreed with me for once.

Chance acted like he had rigor mortis when mom tried to make him sit next to her. You can see poor Chance panting in the picture. Spenser twirled around like a tornado for several minutes and totally disobeyed the "sit" command. Mom was getting really flustered. Finally, he plopped on the floor, worn out and dizzy. Mom threw herself over him, put him in a head-lock, and yelled, "Hurry Daddy, take it now!"

Our sister Callie on the other hand, is like a supermodel. She has her sexy pose with the sock in her mouth, her wind-blown look, the Farrah smile, etc. I'm sure her cuteness lets her get away with anything. And she's not afraid of the blinding, torture device either.

I'm so glad the photo session is over. Hopefully, we won't be forced to endure that exercise again until Christmas!

Thanks, Dogster!

My diary was the Featured Diary of the Day on Saturday. Thank you Dogster. My mom and I were so excited. More new friends and e-mail messages. Can't have enough of those, right? I love to receive nice, happy thoughts from people all over the world. I'm a tough guy on the outside, but inside, I'm all sweet and gushy (according to my peoples).

There's been a new development when mom comes home from work late at night. Spenser and I bark and growl over who gets to be closest to mom on the bed. We argue for about five minutes and finally settle in. Mom is the true alpha of our pack, so we eventually give it up when she fusses at us. This happens every single night. I'm not about to give up the choice spot, under the covers, next to her knees. Spenser takes up half the bed, the big goon. He has another thing coming if he thinks I'm going to let him take over.

Chance has some weird phobia about being on furniture. Mom says he's always been that way. Even if she coaxes, he may jump on the bed for a few seconds on rare occasions, then gets a scared look in his eyes and jumps down. More room for me is how I look at it. His phobia is my gain. Now, if I could only get Spenser to mind me! There's no way I'm going to let that big oaf edge me off the bed. The way I see it, I'm second in command and he has to obey my wishes. I'm going to get him trained if it's the last thing I do! Grrrr.

The Rabbits Have Returned

Rabbits are back on our turf again! Man, I am chompin' at the bit every five minutes to be let outside. Mom and Dad won't allow us to torture the furry little creatures, the big meanies. Seems like the rabbits should be able to figure out that our yard is not the safest place in the neighborhood to hang out. There are mounds of proof all over the place. If Spenser gets ahold of one, there's going to be hell to pay!

Everyone that's seen my "ear" picture thinks I look tough. Perhaps all the other canines will steer clear now and I can rule the world. I thought I already did, but my gruff exterior may make it a bit easier. People say I'm small, but I see something completely different when I look in the mirror. Why, I'm as big as a Great Dane in my eyes.

Alert Level Raised

The terror alert level in our house has been raised to Red, effective immediately. Callie will be here in less than 2 weeks instead of 6 weeks as previously planned. I have been duly warned and I'm already thinking of ways to keep my ears protected when she's around. Guess they're just going to be an easy target from here on out. I wish Callie would follow my barking orders as Spenser and Chance do. Confounding!

My mom is all excited that Callie is coming home for good. I think it's because she comes attached with someone she calls her "precious daughter Autumn", whom I also have affection for. I'm sure I will learn to adapt to the changes. If it makes Mom happy, then I'm happy. Besides, I don't think Callie meant to tear a chunk of my ear off. She seemed repentant afterwards and she is a lot of fun other than that one episode. Especially when we chase each other around the house.

I Have a New Toy...Oh Joy

Looks like mommy's 2nd job isn't so bad after all. She went to a meeting last night and brought back the coolest toy just for me. She won it in a contest. Best of all, it's a CAT and I get to bite and chew until my heart's content! The insides are crunchy, like paper, which I love to destroy whenever I have the chance. She explained that she had a choice of dog chews, a coffee cup or a nail trimmer (ewwww!), but she thought of me first. What a great mom! I spent all last night and all morning guarding it with all my might. If I have to lose part of my other ear in order to protect my new possession...so be it. It's a big job being a little toot!

My Mom Works Too Much

This morning I was in the kitchen with mom and dad hoping for crumbs or at least a good belly rub, when dad mentions mommy's "work schedule". I know what that means. Now I will be missing mom the next 5 days for hours and hours each day. In doggie time, that adds up to...a good portion of my life. I wish she didn't have to leave and come home so late at night. She did say that she would take me to work with her tonight so I can have my stitches checked. Yay! I get to go for a ride! Spenser and Chance will be so envious.

The Big Box

The day after the horrible fight, my mom and Callie's mom watched what they called a dvd. It was all about a dog named Skip. He got to do all kinds of things that I am forbidden to do, such as drinking out of the toilet, going inside the grocery store to receive treats, and running loose outside. Throughout the whole thing they were either making giggling sounds or their eyes were running like faucets. Mom said she couldn't bear to see the end because it makes her eyes and nose leak really bad, so she left the room. I can't understand how they can look at life through a big box for so long. I'd rather be outside and watch the world go by that way.

On The Mend

Even though I am recovering from surgery, guard duty is still high on my list of priorities. From my towering position on the ottoman, I am able to control Spenser and Chance quite nicely. The second they go for one of my toys (or even theirs) I soar through the air like a bullet, growl fiercely and chase them away. They usually respond by tucking their tails and turning away from me. Mom says they look as though a bumble bee has just stung them. Sometimes, Spenser will rebel by barking loudly. If he does that, Mommy shouts my name and with head hung low (to show how obedient I am) I walk slowly over and snuggle close to her. If I manage to look particularly pitiful, she will say, "Good boy!" in that sweet, sappy voice. I thank her profusely by thumping my tail and licking her face.

***update - sympathy letter 4/27/05***

Dear Sparky,

As your Aunt, I wanted to extend my fondest wishes for a speedy recovery. I was horrified to hear the news of your tragic run-in with your sister. I was incapcitated for days from worry!

But I know you are a survivor (I can picture you running up the Philadelphia steps just like Sylvester Stallone did in Rocky) overcoming your unfortunate accident.

Here's a tip: If I were you, when Callie comes for another visit I would keep both eyes and one and half ears (sorry) open! Be aware, alert and on guard.

I'm sure Callie is sorry for the whole Mike Tyson/Evander Holyfield incident and would never do it again - but play it safe.

Well, again, hoping you make a full recovery. I saw your picture and I think it only adds to your already wonderful character.

Toodles,

Aunt Jo Anne

P.S. Dogs rule, cats drool!!!

Milking My Injury For All It's Worth

Since my mishap 3 days ago, Mom bought me two new toys, a thick new blankie and a big bag of Riblets! I just keep pouring it on with my huge soulful eyes and she falls for it every time. She's wrapped around my little dewclaw I tell ya. So is Dad. He's been talking so sweet to me, like I'm one of the little humans. My injury will work to my complete advantage if I play all my doggie bones right. I will outsmart my humans and live a life of sheer luxury. My injured ear will be a permanent reminder of the pain and misery I have suffered at the paws (and teeth) of another, which I will fully use to further my cause. Aahhh. I am truly Master of My Domain.

Easter Weekend and the Big Fight

Callie came to visit from Memphis. I overheard the humans say that she will be moving here permanently in May. This could pose a serious threat to my very existence, especially after what happened on Saturday.

You see, I took it upon myself to guard her large bag of puppy food. They tried to hide it from me in the upstairs bedroom, but my superior smelling abilities sniffed it out in no time. Mommy shooed me away from the bag Friday night and shut the door right in my face. The nerve! I sat by the door, awaiting my opportunity, as I know from experience that all doors are opened again eventually.

The next morning, Mommy was in the shower and Callie's mommy had left the bedroom for a split second when something terrible happened. I'm embarrassed to admit that I was overpowered by Callie and she ripped my ear in half. I ran and hid under Mommy's bed. As I was shaking my head, blood was splattering all over the room. I was completely traumatized. Callie's mom was crying.

Lucky for me my Mom works at a vet hospital and I go to work with her a lot, so everyone knows me and loves me. Before they operated, some of the nurses made bunny ears out of gauze and placed a colorful wrap around my head (see picture above). Glad someone was getting enjoyment out of my painful ordeal. Soon, a mask was put over my face and before I knew it, the room was getting hazy, and then I was dreaming of that big bag of puppy food....and it was all mine!

Dr. C. sewed my ear back together, but now it looks funny and it hurts. I will sport my war wound proudly though so other canines will see how tough I am and that I should not be messed with.

Plea to Mommy

Lately, my Mommy has been gone a lot and I miss our cuddle time. I claw and beg and plead with my huge eyes, and she says she has to leave so she can bring home the bacon. BACON??!!! Where is it then? I never see her bring home any bacon! Something is fishy. She explained that she has to leave and come back in order to provide me with the luxurious lifestyle to which I've become accustomed. I'd rather have her home, planted on the couch, for my good pleasure (with the bacon).

Trip Notes

The trip to Memphis seemed like an eternity. It took at least one doggy year off my life.

Callie was overjoyed to see me, but I was dog-tired (excuse the expression) from the road trip. She kept pouncing on me. I couldn't let on that I was frightened to death, so I snarled and snipped and growled as mean as possible. Mommy explained that she just wanted to play. Her definition of play is a little different from mine to say the least.

When I got back home Spenser and Chance sniffed the life out of me. Their noses were asking where I was and who I was with. The questioning was relentless. Talk about the third degree! I had to nip at them and show my fierce pearly whites when they got too nosy. Finally, they obtained their information and left me alone. Geesh! My brothers act like bloodhounds from the KGB.

Trip To Memphis

Mommy informed me last night that I get to go with her and daddy to Memphis this Saturday. I get to see Callie again! I can't wait to give her lots of licks and sniffs. She is one hot pooch, even if she is family. We will have some feisty battles over food and toys, no doubt. I'll get to walk along the river and meet other pooches too. My tail is wagging away.

Brrrrr!!

This weather is not good for my bones. Every chance I get, I'm either snuggling with mommy or daddy, or finding a pillow to burrow under. Going to the bathroom is a real pain in my paws too! Mommy has mentioned putting boots on me; then she reconsiders, thinking I'll probably just kick them off. I think now I might like to try them. Hurry up summer! I can't take much more. Grrr.

Mommy bought this new paste that has a minty flavor. She puts it inside my treat toys when she leaves for work. I get so worked up and excited with that wonderful smell, I don't even mind being in my crate for a few hours. It helps keep my mouth minty-fresh too.